Trust is one of the most critical components to experiencing deep, profound and lasting connections with others. The word trust comes from the Old German word, troost, which means comfort or consolation. When you have trust, you sense that you can lean into another person with 100% confidence; you can be at ease; you can completely be who we essentially are.
Without a Shadow of Doubt
And when you sense trust in another human being, you can’t help but give them permission to tell you the whole truth and nothing but the truth; to call out your self-sabotaging voices and behaviors; to let you know when you are lying, manipulating, cheating, and justifying your actions; and to ensure that you shine as brightly in your life as you possibly can. All because you know without a shadow of doubt that they have your best interest at heart.
'Without a shadow of doubt' is critical. If there is even a hint of doubt, a hint of distrust, that distrust is like a slow-growing cancer that if not honestly acknowledge will eventually destroy the relationship
For example, if I can trust my wife 100% and know that she has my best interest at heart, I am going to be more willing to take risks and to be honest about my shortcomings. If I experience a shadow of doubt in a certain part of our relationship, I am going to sugar-coat certain things I share with her.
Most of us don’t live in a world of intimacy and trust. We don’t use that as the glue within our relationships. Learning how to create and recreate trust is the most critical step to being connected with others. What follows below is a description and path to recreating trust when it has broken down in a relationship. And, by the way, if you’ve been in a relationship romantically or non-romantically for longer than two months, then you’ve inadvertently experienced breakdown.
The Honeymoon
All relationships start the same way. You meet someone and they meet you. Oftentimes, not always, people experience an initial honeymoon stage. Everyone seems to be happy, and it looks like things will work. But what do we know about all honeymoons? They are usually all too brief and eventually end.
This is predictable and inevitable, because human beings have expectations. We produce expectations so fast that if you could actually see it happening, it would make your head spin. We have expectations about what the person will be like, how the person will react, what kind of a father they will be, what kind of a wife she will be, what life would be like with that person, and on and on. And, especially in relationships that are romantic, human beings have intentions. We intend something to happen, either we will be with this person for the rest of our lives or we won't. More often than not, we never state the true expectations and intentions, and we generate new ones on a daily basis. The fact that this happens is not bad or wrong; it just happens. And it is entirely human.
Recreating Trust Series
This is one part in a six-part series that explores how trust and intimacy breaks down in relationships and how to recreate it.
- Part 1—The Honeymooon
- Part 2—The Letdown
- Part 3—Storing Our Resentments
- Part 4—File Emptying
- Part 5—Take an Inventory
- Part 6—Expressing the File and Listening
[jbox color="blue" vgradient="#fdfeff|#bae3ff" title="Complimentary Relationship Rescue Coaching Session"]If you are ready to make a shift in your relationships and want help developing a game plan, I offer a complimentary 60-minute Relationship Rescue coaching session. There's no obligation; I love doing these and hope you'll get in touch.
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