Recreating Trust Part 2: The Letdown

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Have you ever met anyone who fulfilled your expectations and lived up to your intentions all the time? While it would be wonderful if you could honestly say yes, the answer is likely no. So the only predictable result is that your expectations will be unfulfilled and your intentions will be thwarted. Wherever this occurs, you end up disappointed. Again, this is natural and to be expected. Since it is virtually impossible to stop having expectations.  Being disappointed is part of life. But here is where you get yourself into trouble. Rarely are you honest enough to communicate your disappointments to the other person. You have a number of valid reasons for this, and they all center around fear. You fear that communicating will threaten a relationship with that person.  Your past experiences in communicating disappointments are usually negative, so you certainly do not want to rock the boat. You assume your communication will trigger an upset. Perhaps the biggest reason you do not communicate is that you can almost expect them to launch into a defense and counterattack.  More often than not, it seems better to not say anything and stuff it.

Instead of communicating, you go into a metaphorical file room in your mind, find an empty file folder with the other person's name on the folder, and deposit the undelivered communication into the file. You then file it away for the time being. The next disappointment occurs, or the same one repeats itself, and you make another entry into the file... and then another, and another.

 

Recreating Trust Series

Learning how to create and recreate trust is the most critical step to being intimately connected with others.  This is one part in a six-part series that explores how trust and intimacy breaks down in relationships and how to recreate it. And, by the way, if you’ve been in a relationship romantically or non-romantically for longer than two months, then you're probably inadvertently experiencing breakdown.

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